Hi RADsters!! How have you been?!
I can’t believe that it’s been a year!! A WHOLE YEAR since I last posted. Like how? Why? HOW? Well, I needed to channel my time, energy, and resources to a time sensitive God given assignment, but I have missed you all so much!! While the process isn’t over and the assignment is yet to be completed (testimony loading), I took some time out because a post on IG and conversations I had with some friends triggered me, and I figured it was hightime I wrote this long awaited blog post.
You ready? Grab some coffee, get a note pad, a pen, and maybe possibly grab your Mommy, Daddy, Uncle, Aunty, and whoever else thinks they’re your family because we ALL need to talk. This is a conversation that must be had, and I’ll gladly take up the mantle. *Ehem*
You’re probably wondering “so what post is she talking about?” “Who done it?”
Well, while perusing IG one evening, as many of us do, I came across a post by Peniel Enchill.
Yeaaa…this one. I’m sure you’ve seen it, and if you haven’t, congratulations! You are now recruited to the viewership clan😚.
Frankly, this is a come to Jesus post. No literally, we are all coming to Jesus on this one because somewhere along the line some of us must’ve left Jesus believing that WE knew better than He. I hope that this post helps to reconnect us to ourselves and The Source, and in turn calm us alllllll the way down to get back into God’s rest.
So anyway, back to the post. Take a moment and try to understand what’s happening in this art. First look at it from her perspective, then look at it from “their” perspective. If you actually grabbed a notepad, write down what you think from both perspectives.
Alright, let’s take this step by step.
From her perspective: Broken hearted not once, not twice, but eight times. I feel inadequate. These voices I’m constantly hearing are those of people reminding me of what I have failed at…8 times!! What’s wrong with me??! I wish they knew what I’m going through! I just want to have a baby. Why me? I’m tired! I’m hurting!
From their perspective: We think you’re wasting time. Time is not on your side! You’re not getting any younger! We think your mates have passed this stage! Your biological clock is ticking. We think you should have this by now!
Did any of these messages come to mind? Notice that THEY don’t see or know what she’s experiencing behind closed doors, yet they spew questions that very well trigger wounded, bruised, and tender parts of her.
Throughout my IG timeline and IG chat, I read several women sharing their personal experiences with relatives and non-relatives asking about having a baby after marriage while they struggled to conceive or suffered several miscarriages. As I read through the comments I felt heartbroken and upset all at once. The level of inconsideration and insensitivity was appalling to say the least.
Then I thought to myself “this happens with single women (and men) too, but with marriage.” Not too long after this thought I spied with my little eye single women sharing their experiences with “they” and thought about other women who shared their personal experiences with me.
I told my parents I don’t want a long distance relationship, but all they keep saying is ‘you’re getting old. Time is not on your side.’
…as long as he’s a man that’s all they care about.
I had one Aunt that used to ‘wonder’ if I was a lesbian since I didn’t have boyfriends.
When I told [the cashier at an African store] I wasn’t married he made it my fault and said I don’t want to be married, and that if we were in Africa I would have been married by now. The fact that 1. he’s a stranger AND 2. Any time AFTER that conversation he still shakes his head when he sees me. It is soo uncalled for.
So my mom doesn’t make smart comments to me usually, but she does ask often if I’ve met someone. I say no, and she’s like ok. But there’s a disappointment in the air even though the conversation ends and a small part of me feels bad that I keep saying no to her and making her disappointed. It’s weird.
I’ve had my share of experiences with “they.”
They: “When am I tying gele?”
Me: Umm whenever you want? 🤣
They: “When are we eating rice?”
Me: There’s an abundance of rice fam👀
They: “Don’t be too picky!”
Me: Ok, but Standards are important.
They: You’re wasting time! The guy is already here and you’re just wasting time.
Me: Oh you’ve met him, I haven’t. Could you give him my number or give me his number?🤣
They: “We’re waiting for you!”
Me: I’m also waiting……on God☺️🙏🏾
I thank God for the wisdom to respectfully respond and honestly sometimes I simply laugh. I thank God that my parents are not they; there’s an understanding that God is always in control. I realize that no matter where we are on our life journey, people will always ask questions about the next level, the next achievement, the next steps, next…Next…NEXT. “WHAT’S NEXT?”
We currently live in a time where there is a constant need for newness; “so what’s new with you?” It’s almost like we need a high to feel like we’re excelling/winning in life and the quickest way to do that is by getting to the “next.” We often look forward to next steps and levels, which is critical to growing and becoming better versions of ourselves. However, if we sit and honestly assess the fundamental reason for chasing after the nexts in life, we would realize that sometimes it is dissatisfaction and discontentment with where we are in life.
The worst step anyone can take in this journey of life is one inspired by discontentment and impulse. I heard a sermon and the pastor said “A blessing received outside of its timing is a curse.” Let that sink in for a minute.
I’d like to believe that friends and family members neither want their loved ones living out a curse, nor want them severely underprepared for a beautiful blessing.
I get it, sometimes questions and statements stem from concern or honest desire for that single man or woman to experience the most beautiful mysteries of life (Marriage-Ephesians 5:32); however, it’s also important to consider many qualifying factors for marriage candidates other than their singleness (separate post on factors coming to a screen near you!).
Unless you are literally conjoined to a person, You never really know what he/she has gone through or is going through. Think about it, what if that man is single because he recently suffered a gut-wrenching heartbreaking end to a relationship he thought would lead to his happily ever after; therefore, creating a place of hurt in desperate need of healing? What if that woman was in an abusive relationship that transformed the reality of a loving, caring relationship into a figment of her imagination; therefore, making it difficult for her to trust a man again?
Here’s the truth, just because someone is single doesn’t mean he/she is ready for a relationship or marriage. Just because someone is single doesn’t mean he/she is currently capable of loving or being loved by another person.
Timing is everything. My bible tells me that God makes all things…say it with me...ALL THINGS beautiful in His time. So why rush? Pestering that single man or woman about his or her love life and marriage will not make God move any quicker because God’s timing is completely different from ours. God’s ways are different from ours, God’s thoughts are different from ours. One thing I’m certain of is that God always prepares us for the blessings He has in store for us. His blessings make rich and add no sorrow, so He won’t allow anything to squander our blessings.
Could it be that in this season God is peeling off character traits that won’t serve us in the realm of the next? Could it be that a mental, emotional, financial, or physical healing is taking place? Could it be that God needs our time all to Himself at this moment to start and complete some work/assignments?
There is so much to consider regarding this topic of singleness and preparedness for marriage that we can’t afford to have limited insubstantial perspectives. We need to consider this with a bigger picture- God’s plan- in mind. What is God doing? What is God saying?
Truth is…God has the final say. Ecclesiastes 3:14 tells us that “I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him.” If God has ordained marriage for that son, daughter, niece, or nephew, it is SURE to come.
So Daddies, Mommies, Uncles, Aunties, and THEY, consider the possibility that maybe that single person is really taking time to work on him or herself. Ask how he or she is preparing. Is he or she disciplined financially? Is he or she respectful in speech and action? Is he or she emotionally STABLE and available?
To those who are married, reflect on your marriage and provide guidance in areas you wish you knew about prior to getting married. Trust, the transparency will be much appreciated. We don’t want people ending up in a marriage with single people problems. Preparation is key, and it should be a key that works for that door to marriage.
To the single man or woman doing his/her work in this single season, building for your marriage and ministry, this is for us. Rest in God’s timing, it will be beautiful as with everything else.🧡
I’d like to provide an opportunity to those who are yet to meet with Jesus. If you have a deep desire to know Jesus and enter into the kingdom of God you are in great company. I did at some point in my life, and it was the greatest desire that God ever met!
I invite you to pray the sinner’s prayer: Dear Jesus, I accept that I am a sinner and I confess my sins before you. I believe that you died for my sins and rose again to give me a new life. I ask that you forgive me of my sins; cleanse me with your precious blood which you shed on the cross of Calvary. I accept you as my personal Lord and Savior. Fill me up with your Holy Spirit and strengthen me. I profess that I am a new creature; old things have passed away and I have become new in You. Thank You, Lord! In Jesus’ name, AMEN!
If you prayed the prayer, WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM FAMILY!! You are a new creature, the old has passed and the new is here! Be sure to find a bible believing, Spirit-led church in your city and purchase a bible in a version that you understand. I use the New Living Translation, Message, Free Bible, Christian Standard Bible, or the New International Version. Enjoy the journey!