Grab a cup of tea or coffee, let’s chat…
Can I be honest for a second? Fear and Doubt took over.
So there I was, sitting at my desk at work during what seemed like the longest week of my life, not just for me but for my family. 2017 started off extremely action packed; sickness rushed in and shook up our world, our peace, and our faith in Jesus.
Fear took a slice of my heart each day as I fought hard to stay strong and remember what I’d learned in church and throughout my personal journey with God so far. I stared doubt in the face, as it seemly crept into my thoughts and almost became words. I tried to dig deeper into the word and pray, but the words were barely connecting to each other. In that moment, I questioned the authenticity of my faith and bold declarations I made before this challenge showed up. “Why am I having these thoughts?” “Isn’t God still God?” “It can’t end like this!”
CALLING ALL THE PRAYER WARRIORS!
I called on the prayer warriors in my crew to wage war on behalf of myself and my family. I could barely calm down enough to say a prayer that wasn’t just a one liner. The devil wanted to battle, and although I knew the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf when we have no words to speak(Romans 8:26), I needed kingdom soldiers deployed to this spiritual battleground. (Ephesians 6:12)
Oh God, help my unbelief. I really want to trust you completely, but these thoughts keep coming up
Back to my desk, there I was thoughts running one million miles per second, doing my best to get my mind into a positive state- a state where life speaks to death, where healing breathes on pain, where strength swallows up weakness. “VICTORY where are you?!” Boy did I feel weary! I was terrified because I had just gotten some updates I wasn’t expecting to hear, “I can’t even focus.” Encouraging texts swooshed in and then a song came on…
I listened on and the words struck chords in my spirit, “I don’t wanna ride on somebody else’s passion…help me find my own flame, help me find my own fire. I want the real thing.” This was a song of deep desire and revival in my place of weariness. “Oh God, help my unbelief. I really want to trust you completely, but these thoughts keep coming up.” As the song continued to play, I began to gain strength. I was reminded of the God I serve, not the God my parents told me about, but the God I’d seen perform miracles throughout my life until that moment.The God who protected me when the devil thought he could take hold of my heart, here I am breathing. The God who provided for my undergraduate degree with zero loans to pay when it there was no way out. The God who provided for my graduate degree with zero loans to pay when I thought I’d drop out…yip count it, 6 consecutive years of unexpected financial provision. But God! Won’t He do it?!
And so in that moment, a pulse appeared. A sign of life, revival; my faith came alive, stronger than it was just a few minutes ago. My eyes slowly cleared from the glare fear left in them, and I could see God moving within the place of need. His fingerprints were all over. His will written on every surface. *Sigh* God is here.
While you’re feeling helpless and at your wits’ end, while encouragements are flowing in from every direction, you have to get to a place where you are standing, alone with God.
I asked for updates, and as God would be God, things were looking up. “It’s better, it’s leveling out. Heart rate is fine, pulse is stable, blood pressure is coming up.” THANK YOU JESUS!!
If I learned anything through this, it’s that weariness WILL take over you during challenging times. In fact, fear will attempt to be the guest of honor in your mind, and all you may be able to do is cry in that place of uncertainty. While you’re feeling helpless and at your wits’ end, while encouragements are flowing in from every direction, you have to get to a place where you are standing, alone with God; be in solitary confinement with YOUR GOD. Ask Him to revive YOUR flame, YOUR Faith, YOUR strength in Him. I’m not saying that encouragement from others is useless or unnecessary, what I’m saying is your dependence pulls a lot of weight in the Kingdom as well. When you acknowledge your NEED for God, listen, HE shows up as the Hero and saves not only your day, but your entire life! “His strength is made PERFECT in our weakness.” How else would you see this strength if you don’t admit your weakness?
God is the all sufficient one who desires His children to be dependent on Him. He desires us to admit our inabilities and trust in His supreme abilities. Proverbs 3:5 tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. That verse screams dependence. I’ve found that God steps in when we are in a place of total surrender, a place where we say “well I’ve tried my own way and screwed up before, and quite honestly I. DONT. KNOW. ANYMORE.” It’s such a humbling place to be, as clay in the potter’s hands being molded into His masterpiece. John 15:4 calls us to abide in Him because apart from Him we can do NOTHING.
There’s no point in fooling ourselves and others when we know we’re doubtful, let’s admit that to God and seek His assistance. He won’t think we’re fake Christians or horrible believers. If that were the case we wouldn’t need the Bible to remind us of men and women whose fears and doubts were turned to faith. God said call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver you!(Psalms 50:15). In this world we will face great tribulations, but Jesus encourages us to be cheerful because He’s overcome (John 16:33). That tells me that challenges will SURELY come, no ifs, buts, or maybes about it. Some bearable, others difficult, but our victory comes from our ability to KNOW that He is in control.
While I and my family wait for the total manifestation, I believe that the issue is settled already. Healing reigns because I have faith, I believe, and it will manifest. My heart is at peace; I am no longer afraid because I have The Mighty Warrior in my corner. Every battlefield He steps on is His. I rest.
If you are in a space of doubt, fear, weariness, or uncertainty I encourage you call on Jesus. It sounds so cliche, but it truly works. Seriously, go to that place of surrender, cry if you need to, scream if you need to, whichever way you’d like to express it, simply ask God for help. “I NEED YOUR HELP!” He’ll show up and rescue you!
I’d like to provide an opportunity to those who are yet to meet with Jesus. If you have a deep desire to know Jesus and enter into the kingdom of God you are in great company. I did at some point in my life, and it was the greatest desire that God ever met!
I invite you to pray the sinner’s prayer: Dear Jesus, I accept that I am a sinner and I confess my sins before you. I believe that you died for my sins and rose again to give me new life. I ask that you forgive me of my sins; cleanse me with your precious blood which you shed on the cross of Calvary. I accept you as my personal Lord and Savior. Fill me up with your Holy Spirit and strengthen me. I profess that I am a new creature; old things have passed away and I have become new in You. Thank You Lord! In Jesus name, AMEN!
If you prayed the prayer, WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM FAMILY!! Be sure to find a bible believing, Spirit led church in your city and purchase a bible in a version that you understand. I use the New Living Translation, Message, or the New International Version. Enjoy the journey!